probably not what you were expecting

One week ago I sat in church with tears dripping into my Communion cup feeling frustrated and directionless. I prayed for direction. The next day I received a phone call from the manager of the Visitor Center at the North Rim of the Grand Canyon. We had a lovely chat and I could hear the excitement in my voice as we discussed the opportunity. My recent conversations with owners of accounting firms had not been as joyful. I believe it’s important to listen to this internal feedback. So the next morning I called a Dodge dealership in Phoenix and told them what I needed. If I could find the right truck and close the deal before the end of the week I would officially accept the position with the Grand Canyon Association. Believing it would all work out, I also began pulling cold weather clothes out of suitcases and making packing lists.

So today I sat in church feeling a little numb and intimidated by this adventure I’ve signed up for. Of course I’m excited for all the trails and scenery and to be full time RV-ing again. But it’s quite remote and therefore unplugged and probably lonely. I think I’m actually a little scared of being with myself that much. Scared of having to do the work to return a better person. The last six months in Tucson have been great in several ways but also not so great in others. My training was fantastic and I traveled to two incredible bucket list triathlons. I made some great new girlfriends. I’ve dated, ugh. I’ve bounced around crashing in friends’ condos while the Airstream sat lonely and unhooked on a ranch an hour away. I landed a job that seemed so perfect but just as I was getting my footing we lost the contract. I ran off to Germany for three weeks and put off trying to figure out what’s next.

I tried to buy myself some time by hanging in Cincinnati to help out with my niece and nephews but my mother and I can only live under the same roof for so long. Faced with the option to dump the trailer for more permanent accommodations and another unfulfilling desk job, I did just the opposite and went all in with a new (pre-owned) truck and workamper position. I’m just not sold on Tucson as a long term home and there was no other obvious destination. My hope is that 2 months living at 8000’ on the edge of a 277 mile long hole in the earth will provide some much needed introspection and enlightenment.

Can’t promise how often I’ll be updating anyone about anything, but I do hope to do a lot of reading and writing along with the hiking and trail running. I’m sure I’ll accumulate a lot of great photos too.

The adventure continues!